bittersweet to be back

Currently staring at: bicycles hanging above my makeshift bed

Don't believe me?

Well, I am back in Conway, and it's bittersweet. It definitely smells like Conway-during-the-summer: honeysuckle and humidity haunt the air, and I have the urge to lift a blanket off my shoulders when I walk outside - except the problem is that this weight of heat pressing down on me is simply due to moisture in the air. It's a ghost town when you drive on the streets at 10:30 p.m., and every other building you pass is a church or a bank.

Some things seem completely normal, like spending time with Shane (high school youth pastor) and Anna W. and their three boys (for whom I used to babysit). The boys have grown so much - I remember when the oldest (now six) was two or three and I would dance around the room with him and ask him if he would be my date to winter formal. As if routine, tonight the boys greeted me by yelling "Sambo!" and hugging me so tightly I couldn't breathe, then proceeded to run around the room tackling me each time they got to where I was sitting. They also told me to buy a gun at Wal*Mart to take to Alaska in order to defend myself against bears.

Some things seem completely normal at first, then remind me of a distorted version of high school, as we have now all started growing up. We all met up at my friend Aaron's house for hamburgers, per usual. Everything was there just as if we had never moved forward in time, including the chips and french onion dip. I got made fun of for always eating a lot, and then for that one time I ate a cricket. We joked about crazy teachers and funny stories. However, it wasn't just like high school. A lot of the people there also brought along their significant others, whether it was in person or through constantly texting that person. A couple of guys are saving up to buy rings. One guy is married and has a son who is almost two; a toddler running around definitely adds a new dimension to our class get-togethers.

And, of course, some things are completely different. I feel like a stranger driving around Conway and seeing the changes it has gone through. I sleep on an air mattress in a room that is now used for storage. And, of course, KJ was not around at the cookout to make ridiculous comments or make us laugh. Or sing songs from youtube videos in a weird voice. Tomorrow my classmates and I will be attending a funeral together. One of the guys who graduated with us will be delivering the sermon at it. And, through it all, I will still feel like we are not old enough to be dealing with this.

Then, in a week, I will be on my way to Alaska! We are leaving from Fayetteville next Tuesday morning, and it seems so surreal that my summer will be spent away from Brookhill and away from the South. Brookhill has been a part of my life for the past 11 summers, and I am sad to part from it. The mentoring and the training I received there have played a major role in shaping me into who I am today. I am so excited about Alaska, though, and there is nothing else I would rather be doing this summer. I cannot wait to build relationships with other godly women and to be given opportunities to share the Gospel with those around me and to grow in my faith and my understanding of God. I pray that God uses this summer to transform my heart and my character; I don't want to leave unchanged.

2 Corinthians 1:3-5 - "Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For as we share abundantly in Christ's sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too."

Psalm 69:13, 16 - "But as for me, my prayer is to you, O Lord. At an acceptable time, O God, in the abundance of your steadfast love answer me in your saving faithfulness... Answer me, O Lord, for your steadfast love is good; according to your abundant mercy, turn to me."