And I'm STILL growing up

Have you ever all of a sudden gotten a glimpse of yourself growing up? For one moment, you seem removed from the present and have the ability to look down on yourself, observing how you have started changing into an adult.

I felt that way tonight as I was driving home from a Cru staff dinner/fun night. I don’t know why it popped up – perhaps it was because I had experienced junior high flashbacks as we rode go-carts and played arcade games at Lokomotion. I can see simply an overall process of maturation in my life. I came to college stuck partly as a tomboy, partly as a twelve-year old girl. I was goofy and insecure and unsure of who I was. In the past three years, I feel that I have been morphing into a woman (as strange as that sounds). I still have my goofy moments and feelings of inadequacy, and I definitely do not have everything figured out, but I can see the ways that I am no longer a little girl playing dress up in a grown up’s world. I cook my own food, have confidence to make decisions, and am discovering what it means to follow the calling God has placed in my life.

However, this moment of illumination did not last long. I got home, walked into an unorganized room which is in the process of being packed up, discovered a crazy sunburn received as a result of reading on the back patio today, and just felt like a mess. I am still in that middle stage (“not a girl, not yet a woman,” if you will) where my life is constantly packed up and moved. I don’t always think through my actions. I like the comfort of college and classes and a scholarship paying for everything. Sometimes I am afraid of moving into new stages of life where I don't know what to do next. Sometimes I am not as brave as I want others to think I am.

But I will continue to move forward in confidence that my God is stronger than all of these fears and shortcomings. I guess it’s a good thing that growing up is a process and not a single achievement.