Not My Timing

"He took our illnesses and bore our diseases" (Matthew 8:17) --> reference to Isaiah 53:4-5. "Surely He has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows; yet we esteemed Him stricken, smitten by God, and afflicted. But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities; the chastisement for our peace was upon Him, and by His stripes we are healed."

I believe in a big God. A God Who is just but also loving. A God Who is sovereign and knows everything. A God Who deserves to be worshipped and honored. I wouldn't want to serve a puny God that I could understand - I love that I cannot fathom eternity and omniscience and the great tapestry God is weaving with our lives. I fully embrace Isaiah 55:8-9 which says, "'For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,' declares the Lord. 'As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts'." It's comforting to know that the pressure is not on me to understand everything about life, because I don't no matter how hard I try.

This "not understanding God" thing is also a struggle, though. I read the story of Jesus healing the blind man in John 9, and I love that Jesus says, "It was not that this man sinned, or his parents, but that the works of God might be displayed in him." That's such a cool perspective to have - seeing that through a hard circumstance God plans to use it for His glory. It's harder to grasp, though, when you don't see anything happening, when you know that God has the power to heal but you also have to embrace the reality that God's healing and God's plan aren't necessarily on the time frame or schedule that we want it to be. I want to pray and see results! I don't doubt God, but I want Him to work now, on my time frame, as opposed to whatever His plan is.

It's easy to read the story of Jesus giving a blind man sight and seeing the miracle, but I often overlook the very first sentence: "As he passed by, he saw a man blind from birth." Later in the passage, his parents say he is "of age." He has been blind his whole life! It's not that he was able to see and one day became blind and Jesus immediately fixed that problem. This man may have been blind for thirty years! And Jesus knew the right timing to give him sight.

Timing. That's the problem. See, I love that God has a plan. I love that it's not up to me; my job is to surrender to His will. God has everything under control. But sometimes I want a piece of that control. I don't want to be in charge of the whole thing, by any means, but I do want a say in when these things happen. "Lord, I trust that You know what I am going to do after I graduate college, but could you just tell me now?" or "God, I want You to pick out my husband, write my love story, be the One behind my marriage, but can we get that story started pretty soon?" or whatever the scenario is. But the truth is that, if I am going to surrender those plans and dreams to God, then I have to surrender every part of it.

With other people in my life - particularly Scott - I am constantly reminded of these things as well: not our timing, not our plan, but His: so that the work of God can be displayed and His name be brought glory.

So, God, I want You to know what is going on in my heart - I honestly want to see results from prayers. I want to see Your healing hand at work. I know that You have the power to fix what doctors don't understand. But at the same time I want You to be God. I want to be okay with not being able to fathom Your plan here. I pray that in the midst of this You will bring encouragement and reassurance. I thank You that "by Your stripes we are healed." I thank You that the name of Jesus is more powerful than anything else in this world, that "at the name of Jesus every knee will bow." I believe in that power, and I believe in what You can do.