Jordan and I weren't extremely close, but we were in youth group together since fifth or sixth grade, and he dated a couple of my friends, so we hung out with the same group of people for the majority of high school.
I really can't imagine being so miserable that I would think suicide is the answer. I can't imagine having lost so much hope and not being able to see God, even in the midst of difficult circumstances. My heart hurts in a way that I haven't felt before because this has opened my eyes to the fact that people, even Christians, wear masks. Some people can hide their emotions better than others, and it almost scares me to realize that there are probably people in my life who are trying to put on a happy-go-lucky front when inside they are crumbling to pieces. I hate the way Satan can creep lies into their minds - hate hate hate it. It makes me so angry! I once heard someone say that "the only person you should say 'Shut up!' to is the devil," and I wish there was a way to encourage people so that they have the strength to be able to do just that.
One of my closest friends dealt with this issue in high school, as well - and never told me. Completely hid it from me. And when this happened, it scared me even more concerning this friend. I know that he has given it to God and that it is something that is out of my control, but I want to be the type of friend who is constantly praying for those I have relationships with. I want to have more real conversations with people and not let them get away with a surface "I'm fine" answer.
So I am reading the Word and staying constantly in prayer, specifically for his family but also for others in my life. I pray that God's power and omnipotence will be revealed in the days to come, and that He will prove Himself faithful and loving even when it's hard to understand.
2 comments:
sam you are very wise. i think you are great and i love that this is your reaction to such a situation. and hettie lou was right - you gotta stay "shut up!" to the devil sometimes, but not to anyone else (unless you want to suck your thumb).
One thing I love about this blog is how candidly you move through joy (the pics with your college friends brought back so many happy memories :) and heartbreak. I'm so sorry for your loss. The way you're processing your feelings is so brave and I hope it helps other people see they can do the same thing - that they can talk about what's happening inside and not bottle it all up. Thanks for letting all your bloggy friends take this journey with you. Wish I could give you a big hug.
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