Sacrifice

The sermon on Sunday was about sacrifice, and Shawn preached from Genesis 22 (story of God asking Abraham to sacrifice Isaac).

Can you imagine building the altar to sacrifice your only child on? Stacking the rocks, piling the wood. Carrying that knife up the hill was probably one of the hardest parts, knowing what it would be used for. Abraham didn't question God, though. He held nothing back.

How do you get to a place like that? To be able to give up what is most important to you, to realize you may never see it/have it/experience it? Shawn said that there are two questions to ask yourself:

• Do I trust my Dad?
  
• Am I willing?
  

One of the elders had us write down things that we valued. Over the course of his sermon, Shawn had built an altar on stage. After the message, we were encouraged to place our papers (what is most important to us) on the altar and give them to God.

I feel like I consistently struggle with giving my future to God - particularly, my hopes and dreams of relationships. It's not that I don't know that His timing and His plan are best - it's more that I can't see anything happening so I don't always believe that something will. Doubt tiptoes up and peeks its head in. "You're not pretty enough. It will never happen. Better enjoy those daydreams because they are as close as you'll ever get to love." I have to completely trust my Father. I have to stop letting doubt have a say in how I feel. I have to balance my daydreams with enjoying where God has me and figuring out His will for all spectrums of my life.

So I placed that on the altar. I am still learning how to trust, and it takes self-discipline to not fall back into my mopey mood habits, but I want to FULLY trust my Abba Father.

...but in all of this I'm still facing my needs

and I'm scared of how big they feel to me.

I know You, You, You are big enough to hold me

I know You, You, You are big enough to hold me

I know You Lord, yeah You will carry me through.

-Waterdeep, "Big Enough to Hold Me"