These words have echoed in my mind ever since I discovered them in a "Survey of Modern British, Irish, and Post-Colonial Literature" class in the fall of my junior year of college. Writing is one of my passions, although I don't get to practice it as often as I would like. I am writing, constantly, but normally it is for specific assignments. I wish the university offered a class on writing personal essays; that's the "genre" I feel I would most enjoy writing.
This fall has begun an opportunity to expand my writing as I work on my honors thesis. Writing poetry is challenging in a new way. I am not bound to rules of grammar or sentence structure or normality. In poetry, these rules are begging to be broken. More thought goes into how the words sound and what emotions they evoke as opposed to whether or not it cohesively makes sense. I am challenged to see the world in a new way and come up with unique perspectives in my writing. I used to think that writing a poem about fall or maybe romance would be one of the easiest things - but it's not. You have to stay away from cliche and really discover the oddities behind these concepts. Poetry is a "celebration of language," according to one of my professors, and I don't always feel that I do it justice.
One of my favorite quotes from Anne of Green Gables describes the way that Anne sees prayer, and I often see poetry in the same light:
“Why must people kneel down to pray? If I really wanted to pray I’ll tell you what I’d do. I’d go out into a great big field all alone or into the deep, deep woods, and I’d look up into the sky—up-up-up—into that lovely blue sky that looks as if there was no end to its blueness. And then I’d just feel a prayer.”
I can feel poetry. It's in the crisp breeze on these fall afternoons. It's in the laughter of my roommates. It's in the moments of reminiscing about old friends, including ones who have died. I know it in the way he looks at me and makes me laugh. It's everywhere in my relationship with God. I can see the simple, every day things in life and recognize poetry. But when it comes to putting it on paper, I feel so inadequate. Words bring me joy, but they also bring frustration. It's like they are never enough. I want so badly to put my thoughts into these perfect lines or sentences to describe a specific moment, but it falls short.
I guess my writing is like my relationship with God, in that sense. I have this innate desire to serve Him, please Him, love Him the way I should. I have this incredible joy when I serve Him, but I also get frustrated with myself. I am far from perfect. My motives are nowhere near selfless. I look at where God has me and what I think He is calling me to, and I feel so inadequate. I am consistently falling short of what (I think) He expects of me, and I get discouraged. However, I am not planning on giving up. It's in these weaknesses that I want Christ to shine through. 1 Corinthians 1:17 has been on my mind a lot lately: "For Christ did not send me to baptize but to preach the gospel, and not with words of eloquent wisdom, lest the cross of Christ be emptied of its power." I want to cling to this verse with every appointment I schedule, with every Bible study lesson that I lead, as a reminder that the cross gains power in my imperfection and inadequacy. And - through that - God gains the most glory.
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