WORK has been good. I have gotten into the swing of things, and I feel a lot more confident than I did when I first started. I know where everything is, how to direct people, and what to do whenever I don't have a specific task. Today, they gave me one of the phones to carry when I am on the floor. Which means that, if you were to call the Juneau Fred Meyer and direct your call to the Garden Center, I would answer! I feel very important walking around with that yellow case clipped to my pocket.
It is kind of frustrating, though, working by myself a lot of the time. Steven and I have had a couple of really good conversations, but often he is called to work in the main part of the store, so I don't get as much time to just chat with him. The last conversation we had, though, I was able to straight up ask him what he thinks about God and the Bible and church. His answers form a skewed view of Christianity and humanism, which was interesting since he grew up Catholic. However, he then asked me what I believe, and I was able to explain my confidence in the Bible and what happens after death and God's grace. We weren't trying to have an argument, and he didn't have much to say back. I could tell he was processing some of it, so that was cool.
WEEKEND was amazing! I successfully exercised every part of my body. On Friday, we hiked West Glacier Trail (which involved some rock climbing as well) to see Mendenhall Glacier, which was so cool! A lot of the glacier was really dirty, and it has been in the process of melting, but parts of it were absolutely beautiful.
On Saturday, we went kayaking on Mendenhall Lake, which thrilled me because it was something I had been anticipating and wanting to do. We saw the glacier again, but this time from the water. We even got to see it calve, which is when part of the ice falls off into the water!
Then, Saturday at midnight, a group of us ran a 5K! It is an annual race called "Only Fools Run at Midnight" for which people dress up in costumes to run. Most of them ran the one mile fun run only, but it was an exciting event. The group of us girls who went wore flannel shirts with our running shorts and leggings, and during the race we all stuck together and sang songs. It was really funny when people running near us would join in and sing along, or policemen patrolling the race would laugh and cheer us on.
WHAT'S GOING ON IN MY HEART is still overwhelming. It seems like I am being continually convicted of the same things, just in different circumstances. And it's not fun. I was frustrated with God the other night because I almost felt like He was picking on me. It seems that no matter how much I try to change and scrub myself clean, there is still dirt under my fingernails. But then I began to see that the real problem is that I base so much of my identity on this standard of perfection which I want to live up to - a standard which is impossible to attain. It's so tempting to find your identity in the things of this world; oftentimes we think it makes so much sense to see yourself from the perspective of accomplishments, titles, accolades, and others' opinions because they are so much more tangible, but I have been learning how unsatisfying and unending that route is. Striving to attain and uphold a certain image is exhausting, but finding yourself as a sinner in need of God's grace but also an heir loved unconditionally by God brings so much more fulfillment and joy. God has to be the one to clean me, and He accepts me just as I am, dirt and all.
1 comment:
It's so easy to believe in a salvation based on grace and then attempt to live our daily lives as if sanctification is accomplished by works. I miss you and our deep conversations! Praying for you...
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