Crying Is Not Actually Pretty Like in the Movies

"Yet even now," declares the LORD, "return to me with all your heart, with fasting, with weeping, and with mourning; and rend your hearts and not your garments." Return to the LORD your God, for he is gracious and merciful, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and he relents over disaster. [Joel 2:12-13]

I love this passage. I wanted to find it first of all because it's a Jimmy Needham song, but I also love the image it provides. I think of the mourning process the Israelites went through and the way that they didn't hold anything back. It wasn't about what others thought - it was between them and God. They came to Him covered in ugly, rough, torn clothes with ashes littered all over their bodies and in their hair, and a face covered in tears. I don't know about you, but when I am upset and truly crying, it is not a pretty sight. My eyes are all puffy, my mascara is streaked down my face, my nose is dripping, and anytime I talk I can't seem to get a word out without straining for breath or hiccupping.*

Here in Joel, though, the Lord is not asking for outward mourning due to a terrible physical circumstance. He is referring to the conditions of the hearts of His people. There are times in our life when we need to mourn the state of our heart, the core of who we are and what we value. I know that there have been times in my life where I have realized how far my heart was from loving Him, when I was not treasuring His love as a prize above all else. At these points, the response should be similar to the outward demonstration of mourning in that we need to bring all that we are, however messy and ugly it is, and confess to Him. I need to cry and complain and plead for God to change me. Only He can give me a heart that loves Him above all else. Just as the Israelites were a sobbing mess, I think there are times when we need to come to our God in a similar manner; otherwise it would be easy to let pride into the situation and be angry with God or think that we have things in control on our own. John Ritenbaugh wrote, "Mourning always precedes genuine conversion, for there must be a real sense of sin before the remedy, or deliverance from it, will even begin to be desired." When we are truly humbled, we realize not only the magnitude of our God but also the fact that He is sovereign and we can't understand His ways.

The best part of this passage, though, is God's response: gracious, merciful, slow to anger, abounding in steadfast love. Yes, He is a majestic God and yes, He is a just God. Our actions won't go without due consequences. But He doesn't turn away from us in disgust, allowing our pleas to go unheard. If we let go of our pride, coming to Him with all that we have (even if it is messy), I believe that He hears us and responds in a Father-like way.

When I was younger, I received my fair share of spankings. My mom actually called my dad at work, crying, because she had to give me multiple spankings in a day. I was the child for whom they read the book "The Strong-Willed Child" by James Dobson. However, after my punishment (normally due to back-talking my parents or bossing my siblings around), my parents assured me how much they loved me; they were spanking me for my own good, which I didn't quite understand. All I thought I ended up with was a tear-streaked face and a sore butt. However, I began to learn from my mistakes. I soon figured out that it never turned out well for me when I told my sister or brother what to do. I was supposed to obey my parents, not sass back. I think that it was due to the spankings that I learned to respect my parents, which impacts my relationship with them even today. I have never been in fear of them, but I want to please them because I respect their authority in my life.

When we turn to God with our sinful hearts held out in the palms of our hands, asking Him to change us, we have to know that we are not disqualified from our punishment. As a good Father, He has to discipline us. (Hebrews 12:5-11) But His motive is love. He wants to see us grow and change and learn from our mistakes. As a child, punishment was much less when I confessed the truth as opposed to lying about it. In the same way, our consequences are less when we rend ourselves back to the Lord as opposed to holding onto stubborn ways and denying we are wrong.

So yes, it can be a messy experience. But God doesn't expect us to come to Him perfect; if our lives were perfect and we had no struggles, what would we need Him for? Psalm 51:17 says, "The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise." What He asks is for us to come to Him broken so that He might heal us - red puffy eyes and all.

*Have you ever noticed that, in movies, the actresses seem to be beautiful criers? They have that one lone tear that falls down their cheek. I like the scene in Return to Me, though, when Minnie Driver's character Grace is crying to Bonnie Hunt's character. She can barely speak through the tears, and she is loud and obnoxious. THAT'S the kind of crier I tend to be.